Readers Respond: Does It Help to Vent Anger?

Explain why you feel justified when you vent? What do you get out of it? Or, if you typically choose not to vent -- why not?

Anger management

What I was reading was like reading about me. I'm calm with everything else even with a high stress load and multitasking but I have little patience with my girlfriend who I love and is a good person.

—Guest gardner

YES I VENT SOME DAYS

It sure does help on those days that it's just too much. When you have a broken bone people can see, but they can't see OA. Sometimes I feel like making a sign and posting it on my back. I'M IN PAIN STAY AWAY...LOL I do vent on the site and with close friends only.

—Guest godaniellego

Venting; at some point you'll have to.

I have had RA since 1995. In the first 10 years I pushed myself silently through the pain to get things done. Then it got harder to keep a job and a home. I have had to give up many things I enjoyed. I never liked to say anything to anyone because they just look at you and judge you, because you look ok on the outside. Every time I limp or can't open a bottle they ask "what did you do" and I just say "it's the Arthritis". I got so frustrated and tired of fighting this fight, not knowing if I can go back to work someday, if I will get sick from all the toxic meds I have tried and what does the future hold with my health. I tried over the years not to vent and I ended up severely depressed. I am now venting with a monthly counseling session. I talk to a girlfriend who understands pain and her health is worse then mine. My very sick mother use to say "It could be worse". So my mothers saying, the counseling and my friend help me get by. We are not super humans, find someone to vent with.

—Guest Dolo

Managing your anger

Venting your anger does not help, we need find something to do, an activity to work it out on. One of the worst aspects of OA, particularly in my case, is that most people don't know that you have it. I have to walk about with a bent thumb, or worse, a bent forefinger stuck up in the air as I look totally healthy. In the words of a Rheumatologist, "The healthiest 70 yr old arthritic, I have ever treated". My anger can only be vented at those who are supposed to be treating our condition, the service not the people, especially our own doctors / GP's, they are left to take the brunt of our frustrations due to the pain or limiting factors our condition can bring, and the resulting anger. Try turning it inwards and developing the ability to focus it on the areas that hurt most, all done whilst relaxing.

—billcbill

to vent or not to vent

i have had R.A for 18 months now and find it hard to talk to anyone about my illness as i think that because i look normal on the outside but feel really ill inside they think i am making it up. My husband tries to understand how i feel and keeps saying he knows how i feel but i know he is only saying that because the only way he can know how i feel is to have R.A and i wouldn't wish this illness on anybody. The doctor has put me on anti-depressants as i have started to feel suicidal as i think i have lost everything in my life, my job is hard as i am a prison officer and work don't understand, my home life has gone as i feel guilty if i need to ask someone to help me clean the house, wash the dishes, ride my horses etc. thats my job as a wife and mum to look after my family and i feel i am letting them down. i have tried to talk to my hospital consultant but they seem uninterested in how you feel.

—karenbirr1966

I vent but to select people

I vent but only to people that I know can relate. I have a two friends that know pain as well as I do. When I get really bad I vent to them. Not only do I get it out at the same time I get to know I'm not alone.

—redheaddianered

Talk to anyone that will listen

It helps to get things off your chest at the best of times. A lot of times others will tell you about their problems which sometimes then we will feel that our problem is not quite so bad. So that usually can be very good FREE amd healthy medicine when we VENT.

—lorr1941

I only vent here

I've had this disease for many years. today I am afraid and ache and cannot seem to do anything. My brain isn't working and I'm doing dumb stuff. I know this experience well, yet today it seems worse than usual. The saying 'this too shall pass' comes to my mind yet, what do I do until it does pass? Well, I won't get in my car and find a specialist, it isn't safe for me to drive right now. Things I'm trying right now are: drinking lots of water, keeping warm, saying good things about myself. Like maybe this will be helpful to someone else. I will treat myself right now as kindly as possible and not give a ____ what anyone else thinks, because unless they have had this disease they just don't have a clue what it is like -- stiff-upper-lip.

—Guest Linda-LB

Venting

Never before have I ever been envious of anyone. So now I find myself wishing I could have more energy, less pain, etc. I find myself really boring and can't stand to hear myself anymore.....I can't imagine anyone else would/could stand to listen to me whine. I try to be grateful for what I have and fall really short when I am gritting my teeth and muttering, 'thank you for being able to wash dishes'. Not really the right attitude for being grateful... I'm trying a Cognitive Behavior program online to change my thoughts....anyone else done this? If I can't feel like my old self; could I at least be someone I can tolerate?

—riley97

Chose not to vent

I chose not to vent, simply because I have found out that in my venting, people are not listening to me let alone understand my pain. Many are insensitive and feel that because I am not showing signs of pain and discomfort, I must not be hurting. I chose to find ways to encourage myself, by surrounding myself with people who understand, and are more supportive. I often pray and renounce the negative, while speaking the positive.

—Guest Debbie

I only vent here

I don't have anyone to talk to about my illness so the only people I can talk to or vent to are on this forum. It has helped me a lot in the past to vent. I think it's good as other people can look at your problem and understand what you're going through. They can help you look at what's upsetting you in a differant light. At times when we try to talk to those closest to us, they don't want to know and don't get it. They can't understand how we truly feel being ill every day, being in pain, unable to sleep, or frustration with drs. It really helps me to vent on this forum. My sister thinks if I'm at home in pain I might as well be out and try to enjoy myself. Tough I tell her I want to be out and not at home all the time just in too much pain to go out, she doesn't understand as she's never been ill in her life. Se is 7 yrs older but can't understand I'm frustrated with being ill. Instead she gets frustrated with me, so we don't see each other often. Venting here is easier than family.

—hardygal

Venting

Monarchmon1 expressed my thoughts exactly. And just where are we to find the angels who fit that description??? :) Seriously, some of us are fortunate to have such a person or two in our lives. However, some of us resist asking our families and/or friends for help. So......a therapist really is best. That way, we don't add feelings of guilt about venting to our already loaded list of emotions, and to our much too self-critical list of items about which we beat ourselves up.

—Guest Bobbi

YES

It DOES help to vent - but only as long as the person you're venting to allows you to vent w/o trying to talk you out of or shame you for your feelings, or tell you that it could be worse. If the person you're venting to can't handle your anger, grief, sadness, etc., then a you'll end up with additional painful feelings on top of what you have have about the disease itself, or your physical limitations. Other problems with venting can be if the person you're venting to feels sorry for you and pities you, tries to fix you with the latest treatment (usually some strange herbal remedy), or takes on your feelings and gets depressed and/or angry and then it becomes about them. The very best venting situation is with a person who will listen without judgment, allows you to have ALL your feelings, is empathetic, doesn't pity or try to fix you, and understands that it's normal to become angry & grieve about a chronic, incurable disease, & not just once. I've found that a therapist is best.

—monarchmom1