From the article: 12 Tips to Help Family and Friends Understand Arthritis
It's hard for your friends to understand what you need, why you seem down, and why you can't go out today. Because they don't understand life with arthritis, your friendship can become strained. By strained, I mean, they put pressure on you to do things you can't do or don't feel like doing. You get frustrated and they get frustrated.
Your friend may even decide that your friendship is unsustainable. Has that happened to you? Have you lost friends because of your arthritis?
You have to prioritize
- I am not yet diagnosed with RA, but I have all the symptoms, joint pain, low fever and fatigue that limits my ability and energy as to what I can accomplish in one day. First of all: simplify your life in every possible way! One pot cooking. Eat on paper plates. Rest often. Move a little to keep stiffness at bay. Never ever exhaust yourself - it takes a long time of rest to come back! Always have ready food and bread in the freezer and all the medicines you need in ample supply at home! If you are lucky, you will then have a little energy for friendships and relationships. Choose well what and whom to spend your time and energy on! Don't waste any time or effort on chores or people who are not worthy of it! Then you may get more energy for the people who really care for you and like you for who you are! Be nice to friends and children. Listen to them. Show them that you care for them. Even if you can't join activities, you can still be there for them! - And hopefully they for you!
- —Guest Helene
Right there with you
- I am suffering from ankylosing spondylitis, a form of RA. I was diagnosed 24 years ago. This disease cost me my advanced law degree, my business and my life. I can feel my fellow sufferer's pain and anger at been pushed out onto the fringes of society. The way to beat people that laugh at you, or are insensitive to your condition, is to do better. Excel at whatever you do. God bless, dear friends, and if you go down, my wish is that you will go out fighting till the last.
- —Guest elfgxza
Alone in Cali
- I've lost friends and family! I've had people laugh at me and accuse me of faking it because one minute I can appear fine and the next minute I can be crying in excruciating pain because this is how the disease is! Very unpredictable! Non-sufferers just don't understand and don't even try to take the time to understand! As a sufferer I am very isolated, cannot do the things I love to do anymore and just miss my old life!
- —jnsworld1
Friends gone away
- I have now found myself with a life full of pain and also the pain of others not understanding and looking down on me. If only they knew what a day was like. You know the saying - a friend in need is a friend indeed!! Seems the car sticker I saw is more truthful - a friend in need is a bloody nuisance!! A life with pain 24/7 is a lonely one.
- —hardygal
Another one bites the dust
- I am a person of few friends and when I care about someone I really care. I've lost friends and family members who just don't bother with me anymore, I can't do the things they do and I'm not working so I can't do things that cost money. It hurts for awhile especially the ones you thought would never do you that way. I don't even talk about being sick because I know people get sick of hearing it, but if you don't do the things they think you should they give up on you. I hate being told it's mostly stress and I need to get out more etc. I just have to appreciate those who stuck by me.
- —Guest Lilnick
Lost Friends Because of Arthritis
- I’ve lost a few acquaintances. And, a few of my relationships have changed; I’m not as close to a few of my friends, anymore. Unfortunately, when you are dealing with a debilitating illness, a breakdown in communication and understanding is bound to happen. People want what they want. Unless they’re going through their own personal hell, many people don’t understand how constant pain and anxiety associated with the pain and/or condition will prevent a person from being able to “hang” out. Yes, I feel a little bad when my relationships have gone south…But, then I have to tell myself that I didn’t ask to get a painful, debilitating disorder. Therefore, I cannot spend my time stressing over whether or not someone does or doesn’t understand, because they may or may not. If they do, then I’m glad. If not, then they’re probably not worth me stressing over anyway. However, I know it’s not always easy to accept a write off…It can be hurtful.
- —Guest Chyvonne B
Real Friends
- In my experiences, real friends are very difficult to find, let alone maintain as an ongoing relationship of that kind. The term "friend" is a confusing one, and this varies even more so considering ones state of life (age and financial aspects in particular). When one finds the true friend, they will stick with you and understand what you are going through without embarrassment of being seen with you or the seeking of any personal gain. They will walk with you (not in front or behind), no matter how slowly it may be. They will not be so much concerned as to what you can or cannot do, but what they can do to ease the burden of the cross that one must bear. They will help carry this cross and no words are necessary. Give thanks to God that He sends you these friends, who can often turn out to be real angels on earth in many ways. If the friend proves false, be assured that it is not a great loss when they abandon you. It is far better to have 1 good friend, than a thousand false ones.
- —archer1964
Lost Friends Because of Arthritis
- Well, I'll put it this way, you remember the Fresh Prince and Jazzy Jeff song "Parents Just Don't Understand"? The same rings true for friends about RA. Don't get me wrong, my true blue friends are those that understand and support me. Those that are acquaintances and friends but not in my inner RA circle can't fathom the pain and frustration I go through. My mom who has struggled with OA for half of her life, has just recently started showing signs of RA in her hands, turned to me one day and said "I truly understand what you are going through on a daily basis." Don't judge until you have walked a mile in someone else's shoes. I think because our friends think if they give us tough love, then we will snap out of whatever funk we are in. RA doesn't work that way. Uncle Arthur is with you 24/7, he never goes home and he never goes on a vacation. He's the reason I can't go out like I used to do, not because I'm lazy.
- —texaskajun
