Readers Respond: Does Arthritis Affect Sex and Intimacy?

Has arthritis diminished your sex life? Has arthritis interfered and ruined this phase of your relationship with your spouse or significant other? What have you done to make things better? Can you make it better? Share Your Story

RA AND SEX

IT JUST TAKES TIME AND FINDING THE POSITIONS THAT ARE MOST COMFORTABLE FOR EACH INDIVIDUAL, AS WELL AS ONES MENTAL VIEWPOINT ABOUT SEX IN GENERAL. WAS CELEBATE FOR ABOUT 10 YEARS THEN MET MAN 23 YEARS YOUNGER THAN ME AND HE HAS BEEN PATIENT AND UNDERSTANDING. WISH THERE WERE SUPPORT EQUIPMENT FOR DISABLED PEOPLE. LIKE WOULD LIKE TO BE ON TOP BUT HANDS AND KNEES WON'T SUPPORT ME. LET ME KNOW OR GENERAL PUBLIC KNOW IF THERE IS A MEDICAL EQUIPTMENT AVAILABLE. THINKING THE SEX SWING WOULD POSSIBLY WORK BUT DON'T KNOW YET. TALKING IT OUT REALLY HELPS AS THE NON-DISABLED IS IMPACTED AS WELL NOT JUST YOU. ALSO PUT YOURSELF IN OTHER PERSONS SHOES.

—Guest SAM

I think I am missing out because...

I am in love with a guy who has arthritis. I told him I was interested and he just said he didn't date anyone. I suspect this is because his arthritis strongly affects his functions, but I haven't asked him. I wouldn't know how to without humiliating him... But I really do love him, and feel a genuine connection with him that I am pretty sure he shares, and it makes me so sad to know this could be the barrier to us both being happy. Think I am right?

—Guest Sad

Sex and intimacy

My wife is 59 and has had RA since she was about 20. She has NO interest in sex, intimacy, or affection. I have been telling her this is a big problem for 18 years and last month I told her it was going to end our marriage if things didn't change... they haven't. I have always been attentive and romantic, but now I'm just waiting to get past Christmas then I'm telling her I want a divorce. I can't live with being neglected anymore. I love her more than anything in the world, but I'm through with waiting. She is my 2nd wife, I'm 55 and had almost NO sex life with my 1st wife, now it's happening again. I think I'm pretty giving in bed, but I can't spend the rest of my life with no sex! Anybody have any suggestions?

—Guest Without

Does Arthritis Affect Sex and Intimacy?

The answer to this is a resounding YES. Was diagnosed 6 years ago with rheumatoid arthritis and fibromyalgia. I had no partner for the 1st 2 years so I can't respond to that. However, I've been in a relationship for a little over 4 years now. Sex was very good in the beginning. I had told him upfront about my condition and had to push myself. Over time though it became hard to push and was for the most part painful. This has caused major problems and more than likely affects his decision for this relationship to be permanent. And on top of this problem, he does not spend the night with me so that we can cuddle for the night as others state. His much older mother lives beside him and 'does not approve'. We are in our early-mid 60's. Sorry to say, but I think our intimate relationship will improve immensely when she passes away. Not trying to be mean, but being intimate then him going home makes me feel cheap. He feels that I don't 'want' him, but I do. What's the answer????

—Guest Judy

my difficult sex life

whenever i try any position of sex my wife suffering from chronc knee and back pain is very averse and just participates passively.Even when i try the easiets sex positions like taking her in my lap she doen not at all like to do the to and fro motion.

—Guest hksengar

Often `turned off `by pain

Hi, Am trying to stay positive about changes to my relationship due to my joint/muscle pain. (Still as yet undiagnosed but working on it). Two years ago we had a great sex life. Now I have to turn away from my lovely loving partner, because I hurt so much. It has become the end of any kind of spontaneous sex for us. I have to bathe, dose myself with painkillers and relax, before we can attempt any kind of position, and due to tenderness of limbs I don't feel sexy in bed anymore which doesn't help! The other night partner tried to instigate sex, and ended up `relieving himself` in the bathroom. I was very upset, but had to hide it, as we both have no idea what to do anymore. It's affecting his confidence. It's affecting our enjoyment of each other. We are very close, but I can see how over time this situation may drive us both to despair. We know that cuddling is good, we love doing that, but it's like we're having to say goodbye to a wonderful part of our relationship, which is very sad.

—Guest sarnge

Sex

Yes, I know that arthritis has affected our sex life. First of all , I have no desire for sex. Second, the thought of bending or putting pressure on my painful joints is very daunting. Snuggling,etc seems to have taken the place of sex. My husband is usually very understanding but I feel very guilty.

—ouchouchouch

Does Arthritis Affect Sex and Intimacy?

Yes! I believe Arthritis affects sex and intimacy. However, thankfully, I do have a very loving and understanding husband. I am 'only' 39, with RA. I believe my medication is affecting my libido/sex drive. I know it has affected my hormones because I now suffer more PMS, even though I take a fair amount of Evening Primrose Oil daily. As far as sex is concerned, my meds have taken away the physical yearning. I have to choose to want it mentally. If I didn't actively think about it, then I don't feel for it. Physically, if I am having a flare up or suffering general pain, then together, we can work around it. We make adjustments and modifications if/when need be. It could be something as simple as swapping bed sides, so I can sleep on the side that does not hurt. Intimacy is not a real issue for us, in fact, it anything, RA has brought us closer to each other in the sense that when I am in pain, he soothes me with heat packs or rubs an ointment on me. Also, a sense of humour really helps.

—Guest Shelly

help me please

this arthritis is affecting everything in my life. i can hardly shower or dress myself. i'll be 57 yrs.old in a couple days. my shoulders-elbows and hands don't bend. on my right hand my 3 fingers lock up around the clock. it is so so painful. i have been to 6 different dr.s downsouth and up north. i was just [finally] diagnosed with arthritis [they think] i just want them to cut both my arms off at this point. i can't go on much longer. then they give me a pill called tramadol, that doesn't help what so ever, what can i do?? i don't want to give up

—Guest lynda

Sex and Intimacy

I agree that arthritis affects EVERY part of life, including sex and intimacy. I've had both hips replaced, and just broke my leg in Feb. and my husband is now "scared" to touch me for fear of hurting me. However, snuggling has more or less taken "regular sex", and this is at least a great alternative. I do miss the closeness, especially on bad pain days, because then I do tend to hide my pain and just try to go on as best as I can.

—karkell

Arthritis on sex

In our openion there is not any effects on sexual interest. We observe that due to acute pain in joints they may avoid.

—Guest sunil