Readers Respond: How Did Your Family React When Told You Have Arthritis?

Some family members are overprotective, and others are just supportive and sympathetic. There are those who understand, those who don't understand, and those who don't want to understand. How did your family react and how did their reaction affect you? Share Your Story

RA

i have been diagnosed 5 years ago and have methotrexate tablet 5 mg once a week. I am starting to feel having some energy back but a month ago after an ultrasound and a CT scan revealed that I have scarring on my heart and lungs. My doctor stop the methotrexate but I am still having trouble breathing and the pain start to be untolerable but I said to myself at least I made it to 50, now I am praying to live just to see at least one grand child. I am still going to series of tests again but no medication. It is very hard to explain to people especially at work when I look okay but I am feeling pain inside. It is a dilemma, I do not waste my time explaining at work how I feel I just do not go to work and I see my doctor for a certificate to cover my sick days. The only people that can relate are people with the same illness.

—Guest eufrosina kent

Big deal!

Same as guest eve. My family just said that everyone has arthritis, so just live with it. I have RA & the pain is awful. I feel alone also.

—Guest Jan

Indifference

When I told my family, my husband and son didn't think it was something serious because it doesn't show. I'm tired all the time and the pain is there too. My mom is the only one who seems to care and understands. Sometimes I feel so lonely.

—Guest eve

Just like nothing

I was diagnosed with RA since 22 y/o. The first time I heard about this, it was just nothing as I thought it was, like an arthritis of old people that comes and goes but the pain was different and so intense and more joints were involved so I consulted a Rheumatologist and after a series of tests, she confirmed I had to take meds. It helped to ease the pain but during flare ups, I couldn't move normally, there was fatigue and too much pain. After discussing it with my family, at first, seemed nothing because they couldn't believe it happened at my young age. Now that I'm already 36, people would say I'm normal because I look healthy but they don't understand how I feel and the frustrations I am going through, limited in all while most people enjoy but thank God, with His help and my family's support - I'm still alive, though with multiple contractures, still aiming to live more years .

—Guest guest monet36

Most can't comprehend

At this time it is a disease you can not see. I have been pretty quiet about this whole thing. Most people make assumptions to fit their own needs. It is hard to imagine such intense pain when there isn't something tangible to connect it with. Human nature/ignorance I guess. It is hard to plan. That is difficult to those closest, as it impacts their life also, and this weighs heavy at times. I pray patience stays steady and love prevails...the power of positive...trying to keep in touch with that concept.

—Guest pat

Support

I'm tired all the time and I dunno if anyone truly believes the pain I'm in. So, so far I don't feel much support. Perhaps when I start needing replacement surgery they won't think I'm just whining.

—Guest bigcocoapuff

Confused

I had arthritis since babyhood, but was only diagnosed at the age of 12. To tell the truth the diagnosis was a big relief to me and my mother. My earliest memories of my social interaction with my peers or siblings still haunts me, I remember the intense pain when someone bumped into me. I was bullied and physically forced to participate in games by my peers and younger sibs. My mother is a nurse so she knew something was wrong, but I could not express what was wrong (since the pain was constant and I never knew that everybody did not feel this way) but the doctors told her I had underdeveloped muscles. When I was diaganosed and started medication it felt like my life started, the feeling was amazing, before that I was never without pain. My father took the news the hardest, but tried to be supportive. My siblings were shocked and felt guilty for the pain they caused. But they still sometimes think of me as lazy. My mother supported and believed in me. I'm 20 and still struggle some days.

—Guest L20

UNCONCERNED APART FROM ONE SISTER

My family members were unconcerned as they did not understand what it was all about. I explained to them and that's when they started supporting me. For my sister, she understood the diseases and was very supportive. As a result, I managed to accept though sometimes I cry when I think of my future -- and my family members have accepted me the way I am.

—Guest Destine Zambia

Disbelief

I was 3 yrs old when I was diagnosed with juvenile RA from my hips down. During my entire life, when in pain, my classmates, teachers and other adults always thought that I was lying. Kids are cruel, and especially don't understand how the pain can radiate and even change legs without notice. As a teen, some people would notice a limp in my gait, even though I didn't notice. Now that I'm closing in on 40, people suddenly understand and believe. I've grown up very untrusting of people unfortunately. Always aware that they may be searching for another way to torment. I've never known life without arthritis, and was even told that I'd grow out of it. Not the case. But I am resiliant and strong, and a heck of alot more empathetic towards others, at an earlier age, than many of my peers. I just keep thinking that one day, they'll get some arthritis too, and maybe they'll think back to the little girl who they didn't believe could have the same affliction.

—Guest Karen Mulligan

No big deal was my family's response

That was the response of my immed family members when I finally told them that I had RA. Their response-"everyone gets that sooner or later when they get older" Thanks heavens that they don't. When I explained the diff between RA and OA to them they said "well at least you don't have it very bad". Unfortunately I do. I am finally taking a biological drug now and it has helped very much. I feel like I am finally get my life back. I was trying to "tough it out" but was had no quality of life and lots of pain. I liked reading about others here who don't have supportive family members and I can relate. The fatigue was extreme. I couldn't do most the things I wanted to do. Most of my family thought I was either lazy or just trying to get out of work but I was always exhausted. Since taking the new drug feel almost normal now.

—Guest mountainrose

So they say they get it

Although my 3 children claim they "get it", quite frankly I do not believe they do. They know 'Mom doesn't feel good.....Again" & they really do love me & really try hard to "get it" I don't think they know the magnitude of pain I experience. After 17 yrs Chris & I are back together & I'm truly terrified. My RA has become dramatically worse & I'm not too sure that he can handle it. I love him & I know he loves me but I don't know if that's enough on his part. He says he understands, I know he wants to understand but it seems that maybe even if he did understand, I am not even sure that it would be enough. I feel as though he has some resentment towards me already. The physical pain is way too much for me to handle alone - now, I feel emotional pain that I cannot bare to even imagine. I pray each day that I get better.

—Pebbles747

Friends and family

I am 29 yrs old and was diagnosed with RA about a month ago....I know the process well as my adopted mother had it too...so I was pretty well informed and knew the questions to ask on the same day of the diagnosis. I have only told a few friends and one family member. They have all been supportive and have asked all the right questions. My BF has been there too...but I have asked him to research it so that he understands the bad days and a fatigue because I don't think he'd admit it, but he is a little frustrated. I have recently been pulled off all my medication as I am having an allergic reaction to something. Hopefully, I can get back on track soon.

—Guest asmith

My husband

My mum and kids were quite upset for me, but my husband was in tears, when he heard just how much I was affected by this arthritis. I also have ankylosing spondylitis and a bulging disc, (only found out the other week about the a.s.) although have had it for some years now.My mum finds it upsetting to see how much pain I am in, although she does have her own problems with scoliosis and o.a. There are however, people in this world who suffer a lot more pain than I do.

—sinbadthesailor

Shocking

We pity our father when he was diagnosed to have GA. If we could only share the same pain just to lessen his suffering why not but we can neither.

—Guest enelia

Annoyed

I was 15 when I was diagnosed with JIA. My friends and family have been very compassionate and understanding, but I can not tell you how many times I have been asked if the cause of my arthritis has been cracking my fingers. I just find this comment ignorant and disrespectful.

—Guest leah