Readers Respond: Has Your Self-Esteem and Confidence Been Shaken by Arthritis?

If the disease is keeping you from being the person you want to be, it can rock your confidence and erode your self-esteem. Has that happened to you? Has living with arthritis brought you low at times and made you doubt yourself? Turned you into someone who doesn't feel good about themself? Describe how it has made you feel -- and how you have been able to raise your self-esteem. Share Your Thoughts

Self-Esteem and RA

I feel robbed and trapped because of the RA. Trapped inside a Body that has "Betrayed" me. Sounds silly but it is how I feel. Pain that really never truly goes away. An uncertain future, never knowing what the next day will bring. Feeling helpless and hopeless. ALL I know is I am the same person who has to do things a little differently. Less spontaneous, and more having to plan around my RA. I am not as Active as I used to be but it is not because I don't want to it's because I can't...today, but tomorrow might be better or worse. Honestly we just don't know ourselves. I am fifty-three. I cannot work. I love to dance but I cannot. It has affected how I feel about myself, how I see myself, how I imagine others see me. One person said I looked old, gee thanks! Shame and embarrassment are two key elements. I did not choose this it chose me...

—Guest Loretta

Forget pain

Other people forget you are in pain, even your wife forgets sometimes, but you can't.

—Guest phil

Arthritis and pain

I was first diagnosed with a congenital early-onset osteoarthritis condition when I was around 14. Had my first arthritis surgery on my knee at 17. In my late 20s, it began to effect my spine and feet, and I have suffered serious back and neck pain for around 10 years. I guess the true meaning of the diagnosis didn't hit me until after my first cervical spinal fusion surgery. My life is very closed down now, have lost many friends who just don't understand, can't do many of the things I used to love doing in my active life--especially camping, and right now, sitting! I worry about the future constantly, as I'm forced to wait until painful joints become encrusted with bone spurs before I can have surgery. Forced to wait in pain for the most part, feeling isolated and helpless, and out of the hum and bustle of ordinary, useful people. I can't drive anymore, due to nerve problems in my legs, so it gets very lonely. I read a lot; it distracts me. I hurt.

—Guest claire

Self Esteem Gone Due to RA

I have had RA since I was 26 and am now 51. I am on disability even though I have a BA in sociology. RA has changed everything in my life, no more cute shoes!!! I was a very active person and was doing aerobics the night before RA struck. I thought I had hurt myself at the Gym. (If only) I have had my knee replaced and two other surgeries. I try and get joy from small things and take one day at a time.

—Guest Yes

Bless those in pain

It started with a fall at sixteen and then I was unable to move. Went to many doctors then found out I had psoriatic arthritis and many other conditions with that. I am now thirty five and I can hardly move I feel like a burden on my family and especially my husband of ten years. He has helped me so much but sometimes he just doesn't understand my pain. I would enjoy some comments from anyone who shares my life long nightmare. I feel very alone in this matter cause I'm so young and know no one else my age who shares this disease. To anyone who does i'll pray for our blessings that everyday we can find strength to go on and to cope and deal with what life has given us. Bless all who share my pain.

—Guest Carol C

Hide my thoughts

Rheumatoid arthritis has impacted my life profoundly. Every decision I make regarding my plans for my future, must I include considerations of my physical abilities. I am always conscious of how I may be percieved and judged. I worry that others believe my condition is a case of simple laziness and neglect. Worries of my future haunt me at night and I do not sleep well. I am afraid I will become a burden on society and especially on my family. I spend a lot of energy hiding my thoughts and fears from my friends and family. I have adopted a tough veneer and spend a lot of time joking about my inabilities when in fact I am angry and sorry for myself. I do not ask why... there is no answer but I do believe often I do not act with enough responsibility. I feel guilty because I do not exercise enough and eat to comfort myself rather than to nourish my body. I imagine myself having surgeries to correct the deformities in my feet and hands but do not want to waste time recuperating.

—rampat

Getting better

In my 30's I had arthritis in both hips. Of unknown cause. I suffered greatly, I was tired all the time, could not move my legs laterally at all, nor walk up steps. I had to stop to rest every few yards. I had difficulty getting in and out of a car. I went from home to work back to the chair at home. I didn't want to go out much and because I could hardly walk and I gained a lot of weight which caused me to stay in even more. And definitely no photographs please, I even stopped taking pics and didn't own a camera at all. Sex was painful due to the restrictions in the joints. After a few years I decided that I have to muster up the energy to go out once in a while. So I organized a Friday night dinner for my friends and I, once or twice a month. They didn't mind that I was now walking with a cane. This way I could still be social and stay in touch with my friends knowing that the next day I could rest during the day. I've now had 2 total hip replacements.

—Guest Audrey

Arthritis and self esteem

I was diagnosised with Degenerative Disc Disease with Osteoarthritis. After two cervical spine surgeries and possible pending lumbar surgery and losing my work that I worked hard to put myself through college as a nontraditional student for -- was all just devastating. I have major depression and cannot take any of the known medications due to weight gain which I do not need for my spine. I have slowly became so isolated that I have little reason to get up. This affects you in so many ways from pain, loss of work, shame, friendships, fear of the future and dealing with those who don't understand. I don't know why they tell you to seek treatment early because when you go you get little or no help and with all the drug seekers you dread going and telling anyone you have pain because you are treated like a criminal while the real criminals are out on the streets. All this also has a financial impact so its appearance is far reaching.

—Guest Susan

RA = lack of life

I was very active for years before my RA diagnosis. I loved fitness and moving around with energy and ease. Once I was diagnosed, I felt incapacitated. I could barely turn the key int he ignition, open a bottle or turn the door knob. I became really sad and helpless. Two years later I'm noticing other side effects to my fingers and try my best to fight it daily but it still makes me sad when I notice how abnormal they are. I also hate the medicines and their side effects such as weight gain but I'm working through it. They say the first five years is when the most side effects occurs so, three more years to go!

—Guest MM

Confidence..........NOPE!!

When I read Joy's story it was as if I had wrote it myself!!I am that exact person just minus her eczema. I was so bubbly, funny, positive attitude always and honestly never a down person. I had two injuries to both knees and I had the meniscus surgeries and now suffer from chronic inflammation due to my osteoarthritis. I hate the person I have become. I can no longer go up and down my my stairs freely without wincing!!, take my two beautiful dogs for their walks in the woods, do the jobs that I loved !!{critical care tech and waitress }I am sooooooo tired all the time and all around just blah!! I hope that Joy reads this and contacts me. It's been 3 years since this began and I feel as though nobody really grasps how awful this is for me. It would be great to talk with some else who can truly understand the pain and suffering I am going through!

—Guest Renee

Arthritis and Me

Wow! For years I fought to hide my RA. I did not want to be different. Then as my differences became clear; it had a devastating effect. I look different and I walk different. As I allow this to be my normal, some of the sorrow will wash away. This is an incredibly painful process. If I cannot accept this, I guarantee that no one else can. I need to turn inward not outward. RA has shattered my Self-Esteem and shaken my Confidence. It is just one more mountain that I cannot climb------but I sure can go around it.

—Guest PEG

What the Future May Bring?

I was diagnosed just a couple of weeks ago. I had a fall at work. Not due to the osteoarthritis, just dumb luck. Sort of. I don't have any insurance. I was working a just over the minimum wage job. The company clinic that I went to had me go for a CT Scan thinking I may have a fracture after continuing pain. On my next visit the physicians assistant told me that the CT Scan revealed that I didn't have a fracture but severe osteoarthritis. She told me everyone my age has arthritis. I was in shock. Had to use the bathroom on the way out and cried a little before getting myself back together. When I went out to my car...I cried a little bit more before getting into my car. I guess it has really knocked me for a loop. I'm 54. I admit to being worried about the future and my ability to get around. I'm going to be okay though...I'm sure.

—Guest Sue

Arthritis/fibromyalgia

Everything Kathy & Joy said is so true! It is both disappointing, demoralizing and frustrating to plan for the next day, week....etc., and then have a flare-up & have to cancel or reschedule; one can become reluctant to plan. Some friends & family understand; some don't. One can feel isolated when plans are having to be changed often. Still, I greet each day with thanksgiving and enjoy watching nature, and appreciating the gifts I do have.....my family, my friends, God's love, and all that He provides. That does not mean, however, that I don't fight the emotions this arthritis/fibromyalgia situation brings. I do believe in the power of positive thinking. Blessings to all. Thank you for this forum for expression.

—Guest Bobbi

Confidence shaken

Yes! I never know what the next day will bring as far as what I'll be able to do. Will I have a flare up tomorrow? Will I be able to walk through the grocery store? Put my daughter's hair up? The flare ups really do shake my confidence and limit my capabilities. The exhaustion is the other side of this that truly affects my day to day life. I often just feel like I am going through the motions to get through the day. It's been a year since my initial diagnosis, so I'm hopeful I am going to get this all under control and start to get my life back. Thanks for the opportunity to vent.

—Guest Kathy

Self Esteem and Confidence

I was a bubbly, young, active person until this happened. Now I feel old at 51. I am only slightly overweight (about a stone) and I look after myself, eat the right foods etc. I also have chronic eczema, asthma, hyperthyroid, and pernicious anaemia. I know there are many people worse off but somehow it feels so unfair that I have this as well. I am terrified of not being able to walk - am already limping because of my sore knees and hip. I just feel old and tired now.

—Guest Joy