Self-Image
Physical damage caused by arthritis can lead to deformity and physical limitation to varying degrees for different people. Besides the obvious physical impact of arthritis, the changes and challenges which it causes can have a psychological impact too. Not only are joints and cartilage eroded, but self-esteem and confidence can be eroded as well.
- The reflection in the mirror might show twisted, gnarly joints from the arthritis.
- You might see moon-face caused from prednisone use or perhaps weight-gain from inactivity.
- You might see scars from past surgeries reflected back at you.
It doesn't take long before thoughts begin to creep in, "Why would anyone want me?".
Acceptance
The key to elevating oneself above a flattened self-image is acceptance. It takes work to achieve such acceptance, acceptance of our bodies, and acceptance of what arthritis has done to our outward appearance. Our focus must be on what we have, not what we may have lost. It is a constant battle within to fight off the anxiety which tries to overtake us. By focusing on looking our best and feeling our best we can fend off the anxiety.
It will mean different things to different people but the goal remains the same, to feel good about yourself. A new haircut, a new outfit, a new look are ways to work toward that goal. When you do finally feel good about yourself other people are drawn to that energy. Other people are not drawn to negative energy. Unattractive qualities include:
- unreasonable fears about sexuality and intimacy
- feelings of apprehension
- insecurity
- inhibition
Shed the negativity by reaching out to help others or interacting in any way which has a positive consequence. Feelings of self-worth will be enhanced and you will be reassuring yourself that you are deserving of a strong, loving, committed emotional and physical relationship.
Communication
Stress caused by a chronic illness can potentially lead to relationship problems. Open communication is a necessity in all relationships but in relationships where illness is a factor, communication between partners is imperative. Your fears and the fears of your partner must be shared and discussed, including:
- How you are feeling
- What you are thinking
- What you need
- What makes you feel good
- What you want
Perhaps your partner is afraid that sexual activity will cause you pain. Unless you assure your partner that is not the case, the fear becomes embedded. Perhaps by rating your pain on a scale of 1 to 10, your partner can more easily understand and judge the times you feel better and the times you will be more responsive.
Trust in your love for each other. There is no doubt that understanding, trust, and communication are the prelude to satisfying sexual expression.
More About Sexuality At About
Sex educator, author, and About guide Cory Silverberg answers your questions about sex and sexuality.
- Basic Information About Sexuality
- Tips & Techniques For Better Sex
- Sexual Health Q & A
- Sexual Anatomy & Response
- Senior Sexuality
- Seeking Sexual Help
Cory Silverberg is co-author of The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability.
The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability is a valuable resource for people living with disabilities, chronic pain and illness.
Related Resources
Sources: Arthritis Today magazine, Sexual Healing, May-June 1998; Sex and Arthritis, Dept. of Orthopaedics, University of Washington; Guide to Intimacy with Arthritis, Arthritis Foundation, <http://<www.arthritis.org/resources/Relationships/Intimacy/intimacy_home.asp>
